The Loss—How To Cope With The Death Of A Loved One

Unfortunately, the death of a loved one is an experience that is common among college students. For many, this death is the first they experience or it is one of the most impacting. One study shows that of a sample of college students, 40% of them had experienced the death of a loved one within the previous two years from the date of the study ¹ . Considering that a typical undergraduate career is about four years, it is safe to assume most college students go through such an experience before graduating. Balancing academic responsibilities while coping with grief can be incredibly difficult. Another study shows that student GPA significantly drops during the semester of the loss ² . These studies do not include detailed accounts of the toll of grief on students such as increased anxiety, depressed mood, anger, confusion, etc. Although it is a natural part of life, death is never easy to deal with. Here are some pointers that can help you cope with the death of a loved one.

1. Surround yourself with support.

Although you may need some alone time to grieve, you shouldn't isolate yourself from your friends and family. They can provide you with much-needed support in your time of need. Keep in mind that many of them have gone through the same experience you are going through so they understand how you are feeling. And being around those that care about and love you can be comforting during this hard time.

2. Try to be active

When experiencing grief, it is easy to fall into the rut of not doing anything. You don't feel hungry so you skip meals. You feel tired so you sleep a lot. You don’t feel like talking to others so you avoid them. You don’t feel like doing anything really so you stay locked up in your room/home. This is when you have to try your hardest to be active. This does not mean you need to go out partying, this means you need to do some activity other than laying in your bed ruminating (going over the same things in your mind repeatedly). The less active and busy you are, the more time you spend thinking about your loss which leads you to feel worse.

3. Find the silver lining

For the person suffering a loss, death is almost never a positive thing. It always seems to be a terrible and painful experience; however, you must try to find the silver lining if possible. Often the death of a loved one comes in the form of a loss of someone elderly or someone with many illnesses. In these cases, it is best to see it not only as the loss of a loved one but also the end of their suffering. A part of loving others is not wanting them to experience pain or hardships. For those who are religious, death is seen as a passage into something greater, better. You may find solace in a silver lining. Even if it is only a small amount, it can significantly help you get through this experience.

4. Develop your bond with others

One of the worst parts of losing a loved one is thinking about the things you could have done to spend more time with them. And although you cannot rewind time to do things differently with that person, you can learn from this loss to build your relationships with your other loved ones. Take this time to reflect on what loved ones you have and how you can make that bond stronger and better. Death can bring families closer together and making the most of it can help you with grief.

5. Accept the unknown

We often try to find a meaning or justification for our loss. “Why?” we ask. While in some cases a reason can be found, such as the cases involving the elderly, it is much more difficult in cases involving younger and relatively healthy individuals. Sometimes we just need to accept that we don't have the answer to everything. Sometimes things happen in life for unknown reasons and part of coping with grief is accepting that unknown.

6. Reach out

When going through a very difficult time such as coping with the death of a loved one, you may need to reach out to faculty and staff. You may reach out to services such as Counseling And Psychological Services (CAPS) as they have professionals that can help you navigate these hardships. Also, reach out to your professors. Almost all professors are willing to work with you to help balance your academics with personal hardships. They might move around assignment due dates or give you alternative assignments that are more manageable. Communicating what you are going through with faculty and staff is one of the best ways to help make sure you stay on track during the semester.

 

References

¹ Amy Patterson Neubert. (2012). College students balance academic success with grief, ill parents. Purdue University.

² Servaty-Seib, H. L. & Hamilton, L. A. (2006). Educational Performance and Persistence of Bereaved College Students. Journal of College Student Development 47(2), 225-234. Johns Hopkins University Press. Retrieved July 10, 2019, from Project MUSE database.