My First Experience With Using CAPS

I come from a cultural background where mental health is viewed more as something you’re supposed to deal with from within. Talking about your feelings, especially ones such as anxiety and depression, is viewed as too vulnerable and, quite frankly, weak. For the longest time, I thought that people that had depression or anxiety were being dramatic because of the way I was taught to view mental health. I had suffered from my own depression and anxiety and when I had “gotten rid of it” I thought it was like a switch that could just be shut off at any moment. Going off to college really opened my eyes to my own personal feelings and beliefs because I only thought in the way I was taught and did not see real life situations such as mental health through my own eyes. 

A few weeks into school, I realized some new information about myself that really took a toll on my mental health, and I became severely depressed. I was sad and disinterested with my life even though I tried to do activities that made me feel happy. 

While dealing with my problems, I was explaining to one of my professors what was going on in my life because he was concerned about me. He immediately took me to CAPS to schedule an appointment because he told me it wasn’t “something I should be dealing with on my own.'' Knowing that he was trying to look out for my best interest, I made an appointment the following Thursday.

I was very hesitant about this appointment because I am not particularly good at talking about my own problems in a serious manner. I tend to crack too many jokes to avoid displaying any sort of true, genuine emotions because, from my previous examples, showing emotions were a sign of weakness and vulnerability. I was more afraid of looking weak than I was about getting to the root of my problems.

I came in that Thursday and I was feeling really awkward. I walked up to the office and there was a lady sitting at a desk, who was very nice I might add, who handed me some paperwork to fill out before my appointment. After filling out the paperwork, I sat on the chair and anxiously waited for my appointment to start. A few minutes later, one of the CAPS counselors came to start our appointment. She was very friendly and kind. She greeted me and we sat down in her office. At first, we had a bit of small talk and I felt slightly more comfortable but still awkward.

Eventually, I started talking about what was bothering me for the past month. She was very understanding and told me that she was glad that I came in to talk to her. I spent the next 45 minutes just letting everything off my chest in an environment that made me feel safe to be myself. After I said my piece, she gave me a bit of advice and suggested tools for me use to take care of some of the more minor issues I was struggling with. She gave me other recommendations so that I could solve my problems over time and practice healthier habits to deal with my emotions. She made me feel more comfortable talking about how I was feeling without feeling weak. 

From there, we scheduled our next appointment to meet 2 weeks from that day. I still schedule appointments to speak with her to this day. CAPS has helped me in opening up about my emotions and working through my issues. I would highly recommend it to every student because utilizing CAPS is a good way to keep your life balanced between studies, friends, extracurriculars, and everything in between.